I'm not the person who says "new year new me *peace sign*". I've never been a believer of new years. Fiscal years, yes. Because they make factual sense.
Transitioning from 31st Dec to 1st of Jan is as mundane as emptying my bladder to me. Of course, I do find countdowns fun. Especially when it ends with a kiss at midnight. I know that's silly and extremely mundane. Maybe that's why I never had one before - too shallow that forces in my life won't allow that to happen. Hahahahaha.
Now why the change of attitude towards the new year?
For the simple reason that 2011 was downright horrid. Hence, I conveniently blamed it for the heap of bad luck and decided to believe that it wasn't my year - because the new one will be.
I have lost many things in 2011. Be it vices, virtues, or people. Then there was the part where I realised I let the wrong people in and made the wrong choices. Discouraging comments mounted on top and I grew to doubt myself more than ever. Too many ugly revelations, too much discouragement, too much poison. I second-guessed myself every subsequent step I took. But no matter how thumbed down I was, I never lost hope.
You may say call that a good thing but to be honest, I would get annoyed with myself for clinging on to that last frail bit of hope and forcing myself to keep going. What for when I've been proven wrong over and over again? Maybe I'm just everything wrong since I never saw things correctly. So why trust my own instincts?
Because this is Melissa Faith Yeo. I'm just confident/crazy/stubborn like that. Despite the mistakes I made. Especially because of the mistakes I made.
This year, I am getting what I want. I will be fearless and quit doubting myself no matter what I'm told.
Friends encouraged me by saying that things could only get better for me since it felt like rock bottom. I wish they were right but on the contrary, I KNOW things will only get harder. That really sucks. But what to do? Such is life. I can only prepare myself for all sorts of kicks and punches. Then finally see my hard work paying off. And instead of saying, "Boy, I can't wait for that to happen", I'm now saying, "It will happen".
Mother Monster said, "Never be afraid to be kicked in the teeth. Let the blood and the bruises define your legacy."
The roads are bumpy and all I have to rely on is blind faith. But that alone beats relying on poison.
3 comments:
A little prayer and a good night's sleep is all you need to become awesome the next day and set your mind, body and soul to whatever it is you wanna and repeat to become awesome again! - Sylvester
yeah 2011 sucked BIG TIME for me, too. but onward and onward! :D it's 2012. new year, new you and all that ♥
Thanks dear love...
It's funny how I thought I was the only one having it bad and one by one, people told me they had the same sentiments too!
Yes, onward and onward. :) Good luck babe!
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